Monday, December 27, 2010


Anybody who knows me well, knows that 3 years ago my life was changed drastically. On January 20th, 2008 I lost my mother to a gastric bypass surgery gone wrong. My mother suffered her whole life with diabetes and being obese. I spent most of my life seeing how much ridicule and embarrassment she lived with by being overweight. I saw how many nights she spent crying, wishing she was healthy and looked like everyone else. She underwent a surgery in hopes that she could overcome her fears and live a long and healthy life. When it all went the other direction, thats when I learned a lot about myself.
My mother was the most compassionate person I have ever known. Her selflessness was unmatched. She taught me more than I could ever express.
Despite the amounts of love and happiness I received from her, holding her hand as she passed and watching my father cry that day and wondering what was going to happen to us and the feeling so lost and empty was unfathomable.
The easiest solution for me was to be negative about everything in life. I turned the ones closest to me away. I locked all of my emotions inside and threw away the key. This is when the learning began. Hit after hit, I played with death 5 times. Laying in my own blood, showed me that the negativity we choose to live in because of the unfortunate events we endure is our choice. That it is no one else's fault or doing. We choose, as individuals, to live in darkness, and only we can pull ourselves out.
At this time, I still remembered what my mother's voice sounded like and she haunted my dreams, and I could hear her tell me to be strong and stop being self loathing. That life is beautiful. That life is worth loving.
As three years have passed, I may have forgotten her voice and her touch, but I still remember all that she taught me. Love is real. Compassion is real. Empathy is one of the best traits we can have. Selflessness is a virtue. And non-violence can break down walls.
This song was not written because I am sad or mad. Its the opposite. Its a song that should teach people that growing and striving to be a better person doesn't come easy. We may lose are main beacons of light, and be forced to carry on alone in the dark, but thats the true test of our will and humanity. To be negative is easy, but to stay positive and pick yourself up takes so much effort that we are easily scared by the road we have to endure to change.

"You are never strong enough that you don't need help"-Cesar Chavez

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